Perhaps my most memorable lesson learned in life was the one my grandfather Lucio taught me while preparing a feast for the family. Among all the delicious dishes that my family prepares in Milan I have to say that pasta is by far my favorite.

 

Of course we always prepare our own pasta which just adds that special touch to our dishes. We also grow most of our own ingredients like the tomatoes, onions, garlic, cilantro, basil, rosemary, oregano and many different types of mushrooms. Well I can leave those cooking recipes for another inspiring lesson, but now I will just tell you about my lesson with the Spaghetti and the Ravioli.

 

You see, my grandfather was trying to explain to me the difference between men and women, so we came to the topic of why we sometimes have a very difficult time understanding women in general. I was only 15 at that time and I was visiting my family in Northern Italy. So during this time I had observed the fiery relationships that my uncles had with my aunts and even the relationship between my grandfather and my grandmother.

 

I supposed that I happen to ask the question "How have you managed to keep your relationships so strong?” …Since I didn't see this type of passion in the couples in North America.

 

Everyone smiled in the kitchen as I said this and of course at certain family dinners it is customary that only the men cook, so this was one of these wonderful times. As you all know, I absolutely love to cook! So as all the men smiled and gave me a tap on the shoulder expressing their total understanding to my question, my grandfather was the one who took the lead.

 

He said...

 

"You see, Women in general are complicated creatures when it comes to their feelings, thoughts and emotions. They are just like this plate of Spaghetti! ... That is mostly because they tend to weave all their feeling, thoughts and emotions together making it almost impossible for them to isolate one detail in life from another.

 

So if you ever wonder why they tend to be so emotional and sensitive about certain issues, just imagine this plate of spaghetti and if you try to see their way you may be able to begin to make sense of their hearts and minds.

 

Imagine each strand representing a separate issue, emotion, thought or situation. Then imagine how each one of those affects the many it touches in this plate. Can you see how it is impossible to deal with only one without affecting the rest? Well that is what happens inside a woman!

 

The more strands you get to understand in their lives, the better you will be able to understand them.This takes time of course since you have to know them well enough to visualize all the things that affect them on a daily basis. You have to learn to listen to them and not press on your own views or you will just cause a chaotic frustrating situation.

 

As complex as they may seem to be, remember that they are the balance in our lives and it is helpful that you begin to make efforts to understand them. That is of course if you want to have a very strong relationship with them. Trust me, it is not an easy task and I am sure that all the men in this room will tell you that it is a forever learning process."

 

"Now let me explain how we men differ from this pattern illustration. Now take a look at this plate of Ravioli, and imagine each pocket filled with a separate situation, feeling or emotion. Even though all the Ravioli are piled up in this plate, the insides never touch and are individually kept from one another. That is basically how we deal with all of our situations, feelings and emotions.

 

We try to not complicate things and we generally prefer to deal with issues separately as if they had nothing to do with one another. This of course can be very frustrating when the issue relates to you and your partner. As you can imagine now, this can cause a major discord and disagreement from the get go; and it is not always easy to deal with if the situation is delicate.

 

You will also realize that all situations between women and men are always delicate, though as insignificant as it may seem to you it is not always the same view of your partner."

 

I was glad to see that all the men in the room were laughing at the illustration from my Grandfather Lucio, since it gave me the assurance that this was a valuable lesson to have learned.

 

Today this illustration is used with a sense of humor by all my family members. Since when one of us begins to act a little over emotional or sensitive to any situation we often screamed in frustration "Where is my plate my Ravioli now!!!"

 

I think it has to do with the fact that when we begin to understand the women in our lives, we also begin to have a whole different view in all the things around us.